Why, Hello World, Yes, I Do Still Exist

Even though it has been a Millennium since i last posted, I am proud to say, I am still alive, funnily enough.

Not to mention that I am back in New Zealand. :D and broke.:(

I'm going to say this. I HAVE TO EXERCISE. i really do. and ASAP. so Becbec, we shall get to it pretty soon again. and when i say pretty soon, i mean later today. ok? goodo.

waiting for food. which kumar is bringing home sometime around now.

Willy is playing with his car, on the bench. homocide is gaining appeal at the moment.. well not quite, but ya get me. GET DOWN WILLY

Need to do something really fun. really do.

boredom person is out
au revoir.

www.myspace.com/bravocolumbo

So, I've been talking to this musician, over on myspace. Bravo Columbo
hes from northern ireland. and hes pretty awesome.
hes eighteen. and i really like his music.
he asked me to spread the word about him, so i am going to. because hes really nice.
He's also a sentamentalist like me.
check him out on www.myspace.com/bravocolumbo

his music is like acoustic/folk/alternative i think. but hes really awesome. gogogogo go and check his music out. :D comment him, add him. make him big:D
espec you becbec. lol

Eloquence Is No Longer My Strong Point

Its funny how random things bring up random memories from the past.
While in New Kiwi Land (I’m sure you can figure that one out) me and Becbec would frequently visit book shops (a highly popular one named W.hi.tcouls. I think that’s how its spelt - minus the full stops, duh!). There was one book we stumbled across (I say we just for fun, because Becbec would disagree with me, and say that she found it, which is true, but because we were both there I am saying WE). I cannot, for the life of me, remember what it was called. I shall Google it and see if I can find out the name, so I’ll BRB. :D… Ahh I found it. Things I Want My Daughters To Know. [(http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1152201.Things_I_Want_My_Daughters_to_Know seems a good site if you want information on it) I don’t know how to do those special link things so bare with me yea?]
It’s about a woman who realises she doesn’t have long left (from the blurb it doesn’t tell what her reasoning for ‘dying’ is.) so she writes letters to her four daughters, offering them advice and help and stuff (yes, very eloquently put via me. I know I know).
That’s just one part of it.
Tonight, I was reading some stories - which I have a tendency to do - I found some rather sad ones. The first one, the main character had aids, so was dying, and obviously, as all stories seem to go, he died. It was heartbreaking and I balled my eyes out. The second one the main character had cancer, and once again, died. I, once again, balled my eyes out, and I think that one got me worse then the first one.
But both stories left me thinking, especially after a line in the first one, hold on, I’ll get it:

“It’s not fair! It’s not fair for you and it’s not fair for me and I’ve been trying so hard to just act like I’m okay with this so that I can be strong for you, but I can’t anymore! I don’t want to die, I don’t want to leave you, and I’m scared and it’s not fair!”

That line was when I started crying. And I didn’t stop crying until the end. Which was quite a fair way.
It made me think about Mum. And it made me realise that I didn’t really know what she was going through, I still don’t.
Mum was so strong through her entire cancer. I watched her struggle through her every day routines, and I guess I didn’t even see her struggles, more, I didn’t realise she was struggling. (in my defence though, it wasn’t really my fault, I was just a kid, so I cant have been expected to have realised it).
I didn’t really know what Mum was like, and I only have short, fragmented memories of her. There are things that remind me of her, and stuff like that (there we go with the eloquence once more). But, like, I didn’t know what she was like as a woman, not just a mother. Because she was a great mother. When I picture what a mother should be like, I picture her. She looked after me and my sisters (as one would expect she did do). She taught us so much, she would sit with me and GeeGee (or G-Force as she is now known as) and teach us to read every night (or in my memory it was every night, it might not have been though). She was the perfect mother, well in my eyes anyway (or at least, when I wasn’t naughty and in trouble :D). Even when she was sick she would play with us girls, and everything.
But none of that is the point. Mum was a woman. She was human. And I always forget that. She was into Spirituality. She was a reiki master, she was one of those people that could tell you about your past life. She was a tarot reader. She went to the psychic conventions, and had spiritualistic friends. She had a Guardian Angel, his name was Peter, if I recall correctly. She had a purple robe (which has now been passed onto me) she had necklaces, and tie-dye clothes, she had books on crystal healing.
I have her old High School diaries, and they are a reminder that she was once a teenager. (even though sometimes I think she was more rebellious then I have ever been). I learnt about her through her diaries. And I never felt bad about reading them once. Because I believe I am entitled to read them, because I will never get the chance to ask her personally.

The quote I mentioned earlier, it made me realise, I didn’t/don’t know how she really felt while alive and suffering from cancer. It made me wonder if she felt like that much, if she was just trying to be as strong as possible for us girls.
I just wish I could ask her about it. I just wish I could ask her anything.
As I said when I first started this post. ‘Its funny how random things bring up random memories from the past.’ random stories made me think about it, and now I have all these thoughts in my head about it all, and I just cant get it into words. I cant express what I want to say, because, I don’t think there is an actual way to say it.
She was my mother, and I wish I knew what she was really like.
She IS my mother, and I wish she knew who I have become.

There was so much I wanted to say before I started writing, and once I started I got lost, and couldn’t find the right words. But that doesn’t matter, because I understand, and it doesn’t matter if no one else does, because. It just doesn’t.

Then and Now

Ahh through the years kinda.. :D
wasnt I gorgeous?
LOL
ok.
that is just sad.
Need some younger shots as well.
On the phone to Becbec. Cant wait to see her and the Wonka again.

100 Things

Because I'm awesome and lazy, this is what i do.


1) Are you in a complicated relationship? Noperrs.

2) Do you hate more than 3 people? typical answer.. no, I dislike heaps though

4) How many houses have you lived in? 6 different houses. seven different moves.

5) Favourite candy? Strawberries and creams.. i think thats what they are called.

6) Have you ever tripped someone? Yes. Tripping people on buses was fun.

7) Least favourite school subject? Maths and Sport.

8) How many pairs of shoes do you own? 5, most ive ever had.

9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD? I bought bec it does that count

10) Have you ever thrown up in public? not that i recall.

11) Name one thing that is always on your mind: Boys.

12) Favorite genre of music? atm techno. or electronica, or powerpop, or screamo.

13) What’s your zodiac sign? Virgo :D

14) What time were you born? sometime in the morning.

15) Do you like beer? Pfft, thats horrible stuff

16) Have you made a prank phone call? certainly have. *grins evilly*

17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own? Jonas Brothers.

18) Are you sarcastic? Me? Saracastic? You are kidding right?

19) What are your favorite color(s)? Whatever colour most people dont like.

20) How many watches do you own? Ewww. None. thats what my phone is for.

21) Summer or winter? Well, if its summer then i like winter, if its winter then i like summer.

22) Is anyone in love with you? Not likely.

23) Favorite color to wear? Black because most clothes are black.:P

24) Pepsi or Sprite? Pepsi.

26) Where is your second home? The Mall.

27) Have you ever slapped someone? Yessums i have. apparantly it hurt. who woulda thought.

29) How many lamps are in your bedroom? i dont think there are any.

30) How many video games do you own? i dont play video games.

31.) First pet you owned? A cat called Sheite or something like that.

32) Ever had braces? nope - hahaha No.

33) Do looks matter? Yep - Depends:P

34) Do you use chapstick? Rarely.

35) Name 3 teachers from high school: Mrs Taylor, Ms Goss and Mr Grube.

36) What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their hair.

37) Are you too forgiving? Probably.

38) How many children do you want? 3 Max.

39) What’s your job title? Grocery Assistant. Student.

40) Favorite breakfast meal? Weet-Bix

41) Do you own a gun? Noperrs.

42) Ever thought you were in love? No, in lust yes.

43) When was the last time you cried? I dont know now.

44) What did you do last night? Work, walked, laptop.

45) Do you have any tattoos? No.

46) Have you ever called your teacher mummy?Yes. in prep. I was going to miss my bus but needed something. dont know what now.

47) Have you ever been in a castle? No :(

48) Nicknames? Fi, FiFi, Flop, Flap, Stickleberry, Fiddle Sticks, Ferrari, there are heaps.

50) Ever been to Kentucky? Kentucky Fried Chicken? Yes. the actual place? no.

51) Are you thinking about somebody right now? No. wait. no.

53) Ever called somebody Boo? LOL. Ive said Boo to someone. never called someone that though.

54) Do you smoke? Nahhhbru.. Nope.

55) Do you own a diamond ring? no. i own the Zaconian whatever it is one though.. i think.

56) Are you happy with your life right now? Its good enough.

57) Do you like your hair? My hair is the most important part of my body.

58) Does anyone have a crush on you? LOL. not likely.

60) What were you doing in May of 1994? I dont know. Too young to remember.

61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD? Well its not mine, but i have it.

62) McDonald's or Wendy's? Maccas FTW

63) What foreign countries have you been to? New Zealand. FiFi Land.

64) Are you closer to your mother or father? LOL.

65) Favourite physical feature of the preferred sex? Hair. thanks.

66) Are you afraid of the dark? nahh

67) Have you ever eaten paste? LOL no.

68) Do you own a webcam? well its not mine, but i took it off dad.

69) Have you ever stripped? LOL. of course. who hasnt. i need to change and shower somehow!

70) Ever broke a bone? The Doctors say no. but i did have a hairline fracture.

71) Are you religious? No.

72) Do you chat on AIM often? No. MSN FTW

73) Pringles or Lays? Pringles.

74) Have you ever broken someone’s heart? LOL. no.

75) Full House or Brady Bunch? Cheaper By The Dozen!

77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor? wasnt exactly a guidance councellor, more a... i cant remember what she was. she was awesome.

78) Has anyone ever called you a tease? LOL.

79) Do you have any pets? A few dogs.

80) Do you own a car? Noperrrs.

81) Can you cook? Noodles, or a Fry-Up.

82) 3 things that annoy you? People that Tap or shake their legs or body when sittng near me. People who are complete nerds that think they are awesome. and The stupid bus driver last night.

83) Do you text message often? In Aus yes.

84) Money or love? Whichever works.

85) Do you have any scars? A few. yes.

86) What do you want more than anything right now? My novel to be written:P

87) Do you enjoy scary movies? Yes.

88) Relationships or one night stands? Relationship.

89) Big Red or Juicy Fruit? What?

90) Do you enjoy greasy food? Hellayes.

91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies? Havent even seen the first one.

92) Do you own a box of crayons? Noperrrs.

93) Ever done PDA's? Does Hugging count?

94) Who was the last person you said I love you to? Becbec :D

95) Who was the last person that made you mad? The stupid Bus driver.

96) Who was the last person that made you cry? umm.. i cant remember.

97) Who was the last person that made you laugh? Becbec.

98) Who was the last person that texted you? Uncle. i think.

99) Who was the last person that called you? bec.

100) Were you named after anyone? An Irish God, I guess.

The Traffic Lights Are Flashing,.. And We Are Smiling.

I am a little slow... with the whole updating thing that is. Delayed much??
I have been working. Mondays, Fridays and Sundays. At a supermarket.. what a blast. I dont think my feet will ever recover. I shouldnt be on my feet for longer then five minutes at a time.. unless I am shopping. but from five hours to eight hours on my feet at once.... thats just crazy. add onto that the two different buses to get there.. the first one taking about ten minutes the second one taking forty odd minutes, and than having to walk down six flights of stairs to get the the shopping complex car park, across the car park and then work. then at the end cross the car park again and go UP the six flights of stairs.. UP them.. much worse then just going down them. and then (on sundays) catching two different buses or (fridays and mondays) catching one bus for centuries!! mannn working isnt for me... the money, however, is a completely different story.. ten buckaroos an hour.. not too bad i guess.

School has kind of fizzled out for me over here.. i just couldnt get into going to school here.. wayyyy to different to any school i have ever been too. A SIX DAY TIMETABLE. like.. umm, crazy. When I first found out about that i thought they meant i would have to go to school on a Saturday.. they quickly corrected me on that one. thank god.. but it was so confusing, so i just learned that the classes go in a row. say i had a free line, art history, history, photography and then english on one day, the next day it would go art, a free line, art history, history, photography and so on like that for six days. and then go back to the beginning.. :S urrrghhh drove me bonkers it did.

So, I am still in NZ which should be pretty obvious. Have made some kinda friends here,, recognise people while out finally... which i like do be able to do.. i like to be able to go "hey Becbec, i know that dude/chick over there!" only happens sometimes though.

Have got some new clothes, some new tights. some new shoes:D some presents for peoples. and need to take some photos.

We bought some alcohol today.. a packet of six shots and a bottle of smirnoff. me and Becbec had all the shots.. three each. and then started the Smirnoff... that didnt go far.. one glass each.. we wanted alcohol, but then we sooo were not in the mood for it.. it just made us feel kinda sick:P So we have some alcohol left.. we wanted to get absolutely drunk for St Patricks day... umm.... didnt last long.
we are sooo brilliant with alcohol.!

I had a thing about trying to lose Kumbars phone. I will sometimes take it to work with me. the first time i left it on the bus. the bus driver got it for us cos becbec called up straight away when i told her as soon as i got home. so that one was very lucky, cos the bus driver took it right out of a passengers hands because they had found it :P:S and the second time i was getting changed at work, left it in the toilet cubicle, and got to the steps on the other side of the car park.. had just started up them when i heard a phone start to go off and i was like "ohh damnnnn" and turned back. it was where i had left it. mind you it was lucky, i got there just as becbec was calling me to ask me to do a bit of shopping for her.. if i had of got the call while at the steps i would have said no. i wouldnt have turned back to get it. LOL.

I got some charcoal sticks for my art and have only used them once really because i need to get an erazer for it. because i stuff up and cant get rid off the mistake. but oh wells. i will get one soon enough.

Have been reading some fan fiction.. going back over old stories that i have already read but loved. ahh good stuff good stuff. been on msn a bit. and myspace and all that jazz.. the normal stuff. my favourite days have turned out to be Tuesdays and Wednesdays. because i dont work. i dont like thursdays or saturdays because i know i have work the next days. fridays, mondays and sundays..... well thats just obvious.

well Im gona buzz on out.. its a bit late and i need sleeppp :P:P
night all.. or morning.. or whatever :D
SLAN
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School, reincarnations and a Life of Fire

Blog,blog,blog,blog. Im blogging :D
Ok, New Zealand is amazing. I love the country.
Boop has gone home already. which sucks. miss her already

I have started attending a school here in NZ just until april 9th. then back to australia. The school is such a MAZE. everything looks the same and i can never remember where each class is or anything. Always need someone to show me, which sucks, but I've usually just got this one group of people that show me to each class.
I made a group of friends. kind of. Especially one boy. Tom (im pretty safe using his name because there are so many of them). hes pretty cool. all into drama and stuff. have art and english with him. hes been the nicest person at school so far, and thats saying something because nobody has been mean to me:P

The school buildings seem pretty old and could do with some fixing uppering. new walls and new paint and new desks and stuff... there arent even any ceiling fans. or heaters or anything. we had an assembly and we had to take our shoes off while still being in our classrooms, and then had to walk across the school barefoot so we "dont trek dirt into the gym" pffft how stupid.. i dont like feet so it was kinda very gross for me.

i have to walk to school each day and then back home again each day. thats annoying.. it takes me over half an hour to get there each day because i walk slowly because i dont want to get sweaty and yucky for the day ahead. but on the way home it takes me less then fifteen minutes, even though its uphill, because i know i am on my way home so it doesnt really bother me if i get sweaty and yucky than lol.

lunches and "interval" which to me is recess, i sit/stand near what i think is the music block, its "j" block i think. and I think i am the only girl at that group, but thats because i dont really know any girls. except for Carmen and this other girl who i dont remember her name.

one of the guys i hang out with. he reminds me so so so much of Joshy G. he also kind of reminds me of Zac efron. but i havent yet told him this, but i am planning on. just not the Zac Efron bit lol. but when i first really looked at this guy i almost had a heart attack. i could have sworn it was joshy g.

on a completely different note. The Bushfires in Victoria, Australia. I've been reading up on that pretty much every day, and dad tells me about it as well. It is so horrible. How anyone could be stupid enough to do that is beyond me. and all those lives lost. it is so very tragic. i pretty much cry everytime a read a bit about it. i hope the people who caused the fires go away for life. people like that dont deserve freedom, or respect. or anything. they should be put in a place where they get nothing except for the very bare essentials. they should suffer for what they have caused the people that died, were injured, lost everything. for what they have caused a nation to suffer.

Best of luck to all in the Victoria fires. May those lost Rest in peace, may those left behind have the best of luck from now on. My greatest sympathies to everyone.
and i hope those BASTARDS that did it pay.

goodnight.
love you and miss you uncle
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